I think I’m a food vampire…

So, like I said in my last post, I inhaled a piece of really fatty delicious bread with crawfish cream yesterday without even realizing what I was doing or that it was the exact opposite of what I just vowed to do. I also asked someone to bring me doughnuts for breakfast and was totally on board until someone ELSE had to remind me that I’m trying to eat right. It’s like I’m subconsciously drawn to food without even realizing that I’m thinking about it. That sounds like such a problem.

And today, I did so good (list of foods to come at the end of this post,) but I wanted to do soooooo bad. I worked a double, which means that I get about a two hour break in between shifts to go home and eat and do whatever. Well today, I came home and ate lunch and tried to study for a radiology test I have on Tuesday (fail) and decided I needed a nap instead. So I doze off for about an hour after I set my alarm, and literally the second I wake up, I think about food. Not, “Oh, man, that was a good nap, I really don’t want to wake up.” Not, “Oh, crap, did I oversleep? Am I going to be late for work?’ Not even, “Man, I’m so relaxed right now.” No. When I wake up, my instant thought is, “I want food. Any food. Don’t care what kind. Food now.” What the heck?! My body didn’t even have time to fully comprehend that I was awake, and I’m thinking of what I can eat! Ugh. This is why I suck at eating right and why eating right sucks. Well, you’ll be pleased to know that I fought the urge to go for the chips (I should really throw those out) and I grabbed two mini oranges instead. Yay me. The food vampire fought the animal-like urge for “real food” and settled for rabbit food. Good job.

I also said in my last post that I’m not going to weigh myself for a few weeks until I get my act together. Yeah, that’s really stupid. I started thinking about it today, and I really need a starting point to be able to measure how far I’ve come once I start seeing the effects of my food choices. See? I told you I suck at this. What’s a battle without the celebration of the little victories, right? Sure. But here’s another problem I run into. Remember how I said I get really obsessive and anal about counting calories? Well, same effect takes place when it comes to watching the scale for numbers to drop. Like, it’s gotten to the point in the past where I weigh myself before I go walking for two miles and then again after my walk to see how many ounces I lost. I’m psychotic. So I’m going to try weighing myself once a week on the same day to try to curb my OCD tendencies. Today is Saturday, so again next Saturday, not counting the step on the scale I just did when I got home (I told you, I’m psychotic.) But at least now I have a starting point. Whoopie. I’ll keep you posted on that.

OK, now for the actual purpose of my post. Here’s what happened today. For breakfast I had my same almond and oat cluster cereal. Went to work and snacked on some cocoa dusted almonds while suppressing the urge to eat french bread and honey butter. Go me. Came home and ate some of my homemade chicken salad with crackers that is healthy and SO GOOD. You should totally get my recipe. Then a banana for dessert. Had those two mini oranges on my way to work. Then at work, it got tough. There were some fresh hush puppies sitting there in the window that wanted me to have them so bad. They were basically calling to me. I told myself to hold off at least until the specials for the night were up that I would have to taste to be able to sell to tables. I did, and the bites from the specials held me off and helped me to resist. So I had one bite of steak and shrimp au gratin, and two bites of fried redfish over rice with creole shrimp cream. It was really good. And just so you know, when I say “bite,” I mean the amount it takes to fill the concavity of a teaspoon. Literally. And now I really want something, but it’s super late, but I really want something, but I’m about to go to bed, but I really haven’t eaten a ton today, but it’s just going to sit in my stomach all night while I sleep, but I really really want to crunch on something and…… You see my constant inner dialogue/struggle. My life.

Thanks for listening, or not listening, since I’m not marketing this anywhere. I actually mentioned that I started this blog to one of my coworkers today and when she asked what it was called, I wouldn’t tell her. It’s really weird to be writing something personal, but it’s public, but none of the people I actually know will read it unless I let them. Hmm. But it’s actually working. When I was contemplating whether or not to take a dang hush puppy, I thought to myself, “I really don’t want to have to admit this to the blog.” Good job, blog that got one view. Anyway, until next time. Peace.

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